Mind Lagoon
Meditation transcription and analysis.
November 23, 3034
This is a transcription of what I saw while meditating. The typed section is broken up into more readable paragraphs. The photos from my journal are just blocks in the center of the page, because I like to annotate them later on.
Did yoga. Mind lagoon1. Was static-y for a while. I kept trying to make it more full but that just refracted2 it further.
Big me. I said hello3. She hugged me and then sliced me. She said that I don’t trust her. I tried to make it normal4. Another swing. I tried to make it normal. It’s a shadow, follow it to find its form. I stopped trying.
She broke apart. Her body of light and water became skin and vines and then became cracked crystal. From the large crystal shell, a smaller, fleshy-er, me-er version of her emerged and walked to me from the water.
We sat down at the shore. I cried in her lap. She refracted and hit me. I cried more. She hugged me and I began speaking.
Something along the lines of: “I don’t trust you because I don’t trust myself in that way yet. I must reassemble self to find you truly.” She showed me that we share the same self, that he how we are connected. An inner light. Says that I must stop trying to control any narratives, internal or external, because it stops the flow of all things. Inhibits the full form of truth.
I said okay. I am okay.
She said, “Yes, you are a lovely girl. Do not forget. The more you forget, the less you express, and the less you express, the less you remember.”
It was like that but loftier.
The place I enter/visualize when I meditate. I do this when I am lying down after yoga.
Refracted = fuzzy, glitchy, “uncharacteristic”, mutated multiples.
Wrote in journal, “I said hellow. (W?)”.
Normal = stabilized visualization.
“It’s a shadow, follow it to find its form.”
Resisting a shadow doesn’t fully allow you to enter the next moment. As I tried to “correct” the refractions and the uncharacteristic intrusive visualization of the big me, those moments began to loop. The story could not unfold.
In relaxing into the moment, I was able to progress further. I was afraid of why my visualization was like that, why I would essentially hurt myself. I thought that imagining the expected imagery would fix my inability to sit with the odd feeling bubbling up. However, letting it be what it was dissolved the feeling, not trying to mold it into something “right”. Approaching the shadow with open arms allows you to treat the symptom and the cause. (Likely needs to be done many times.) Giving form to our shadows, realizing them for what they are, allows us to better understand why our “interruptions” behave and affect us as they do.
“Says that I must stop trying to control any narratives, internal or external, because it stops the flow of all things. Inhibits the full form of truth.”
A lack of total perception leads to an unfinished and inherently incomplete narrative. Clinging to any sort of narrative does not allow truth to enter, there is no room if you only have space for the truth that you grasp onto. To control a narrative is micro-propaganda. The things I believe about myself, other, the world, etc. all directly influence my perceptions and actions. If I have to hold onto a story for a sense of comfort or an an attempt to make sense of the world, I am not allowing the actually story that is occurring to unravel.
“The more you forget, the less you express, and the less you express, the less you remember.
Feedback loops. Remember so that you can be in your fullness, be so that you can become.